Non Sequiter Girl Strikes Again

It's time for some more spam that reads like strange poetry!

The new season again come

No matter you are tide males or beauties

or ordinary people

Choose came in!

And with beautiful shoe tide packets

Make a new you! Begin from here!

Recently everyone bought full 200 dollar in their company

And then had the present to see off

Vietnam, which buys delivers are more

Service is our lift

This place must be very helpful to you!

Quality is our dignity

Once again I am having a hard time picking out a favorite line. Is it "no matter you are tide males or beauties"? Perhaps the last, another coup de grace to your senses, "quality is our dignity"?

Or "begin from here!" which should be an uplifting slogan, but then you say it out loud and it sounds like one of those eerie word plays that Stephan King is so very fond of.

What about you? Any recent run ins with some awesome spam? 

Non Sequiter Girl

I was killing time while waiting for my mother in law to pick me up yesterday by reading this article: 5-tiny-computer-glitches-that-caused-huge-disasters

It was still early in the morning, so there weren't that many comments. Out of habit I scrolled down to skim. There were the usual comments regarding the author of the article's lack of sexual prowess, his mother, the typos he made, etc, but then I came across this beauty:

Trout_Mask:

?Once "said a inequivocal truck endorsing some (walnutt stench)bed through the congress of hidden identities" I arrived. To quench / satisfy my tumbling = aching (fall for salt( of 50 % sugar and no tea( met had the falter the faltering..and the interruption began silent into the evening & struck with @telephone line yes, i do ? desire such! Seven corpses shatter on my wake of teeth at & the sommersault of the hours raped the kitchen. The cat also woke up rather (ahhhhhhhhhhhh cats, me afraid! I despise such @caller yes, you do! / no salt please. How many hours till the rocococoo hits its grave» hello and goodbye dear friends! I missed Shirley the most perhaps beyond the ammount! To and be fed and eat! Oh Shirley! Oh World! Oh much have (the Empire called, they want their fish. Bring him wet and still unconscious of his fate. and unconscious too since the king must not wai=hello? Dou you still remain the carp? lewd, sour and scour? Blinded flods and floods and fools... I am the Trout!!!!!!!!!? #it has been delivered rough, like bolts upon the quivering.( The deed was bitten( all hail the carp.


And the trout lied faltering its mask.

To my further joy, someone commented on Trout_Mask's bit of poetry with this:

minitune:

Clear water trout makes good sashimi, much better than carp. A good chef with a SHARP knife can cut, de-bone, and slice the flesh before the fish even knows it's dead. It is best eaten with bit of sprinkled pepper and Cayenne powder and dipped in vinegared soy-sauce.

I kinda of love the Internet guys, and this is one of the many, many reasons why. 

First, in case you didn't bother to read the article, this comment has NOTHING to do with the article. It's about simple mistakes made that had bigger consequences, like when a tec at a power company turned off an alarm and failed to turn it back on after fixing the problem, resulting in the upper east of the United States and parts of Canada having a blackout.

Second, I love the poetry of this comment. It's both hilarious and absurd. It's like e.e. cummings had a love child with Kurt Vonnegut (is that less creepy to think about since they are both dead? Or more?). 

At first glance, Trout_Mask's comment looks like gibberish, but read it. Seriously, go ahead. Read it out loud. It's not gibberish. It actually makes a strange, melodic sort of sense. I tried to pick out a favorite passage, but I can't. A few gems:

"How many hours till the rocococoo hits its grave» hello and goodbye dear friends!"

"the Empire called, they want their fish. Bring him wet and still unconscious of his fate."

Somehow the last two lines tie the entire nonsense together, like a coup de grace to your senses:

"I am the Trout!!!!!!!!!? #it has been delivered rough, like bolts upon the quivering.( The deed was bitten( all hail the carp.

And the trout lied faltering its mask."

All hail the carp indeed.  And then, to make things better, someone comes along and talks about how trout makes worse sashimi than carp. Seriously. I could not make this up, guys.

Perhaps I am the only one so delighted by Trout_Mask's accidental poetry. I do have a fond place in my heart for absurd humor, hence my deep love of Kurt Vonnegut. Perhaps I have broken my brain from writing so much.

You tell me: Am I crazy or does this seem like a little poem? Am I the only one so amused?

Gee Gee Gee Baby Baby Baby

Guess what! I am sick!
It's the summer. I protest. There should be some sort of law against getting a bad head cold in the summer. Also, there should be an addendum to said law that the punishment is worse if the victim is still in her first trimester. 

Morning sickness + coughing * (lack of sleep^2) body aches - Robitussin Dm + three boxes of tissues and counting = Elizabeth high on cold medicine and unable to string more than two coherent sentences together. 

If I could remember the order of operations I might be able to tell you why my toes are tingling.

Rewriting is going fabulously because I haven't done any in a few days. Too scared to see what my addled brain will cook up. Mostly I've spend my days laying on the couch with my husband, who is also sick (he's the one that shared the virus--he really shouldn't have), watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer on Netflix.

Shocking confession time: I've never seen Buffy or Angel before! I know! I am fixing that right now. It's rather addictive. I feel like I am arriving to a fandom about ten years late. Maybe that's because I am. When I told my husband I'd never seen either series he wanted to know what I did with my time as a teenager.

I read books. Also, I wrote some. I didn't watch a lot of TV, and still don't. 

I tried to post yesterday and tell you guys why you weren't getting a coherent post from me, but about halfway through this post I got distracted and I forgot about it. 


Here's a song:

P. S. I like this song prior to the aide of over the counter cough medicine. True story! I think it's cute. I like J-pop (Japanese Pop, even though technically these girls are Korean so it would be considered K-pop) a lot.


P. P. S. I was going to say something, but I forgot while I was typing the first P.S.


P. P. P. S. I remember now. I was going to make a joke by adding a tag that didn't belong to this post, but then I figured only I would notice/find it funny. First I was going to use the tag "zombie apocalypse" but then I thought it might actually apply since my cold could be the first wave of the virus that will create the zombie apocalypse. (Also, I don't know why I have some of the tags I do. Seriously, why does "Bigos" get it's own tag? It's just a dish I make.)


Okay, so I looked through my tags, and it's no go. Even the ones that don't fit would just seem like I hit the wrong button. I mean, if I tag this post "lolcats" even though there aren't any cats in this post (just Korean girls and a confusing math equation) it won't be funny. Not in the ironic way I was hoping for. So the tag thing is a bust. Sorry. 


P. P. P. P. S. I didn't want to end the post on such a downer. So I added another PS. Although I wonder, adding more "Ps" to the P.S., that's not a real thing right? It's just something people do so you get the point that it's another added message but separate from the first. 


Have a great day!

A Hero Is Born

Exhibit A

 It's finally happened.

After literally years of telling my twin brother how awesome Guitar Hero is, and listening to him give me snark about the games, I've converted him. Above is the photo evidence. 

It took a while, and it wasn't easy. My husband bought me the new Warriors of Rock game (among other things) for Christmas. 

Pretend you're a rock star....you know you want to.

See that sweet looking guitar? Yeah, it's mine. It also lured my twin with her siren song. Every time he came over, he would eye the guitar. The second time I caught him oggling my guitar, I picked it up. "Sweet guitar, huh?"

"Yeah, it actually looks pretty bad a**."

I nodded. We all know my guitar rocks. I handed it over to him. He held the guitar in his hands, and I could tell he wanted to play the game. But it was too soon. He didn't want it badly enough to eat his snarky words of so many years. 

So I waited. The next time he came over, I mentioned which games I had collected. I was able to pick up Guitar Hero II, III, World Tour, and GH: Aerosmith in addition to Warriors of Rock which came with my sweet, sweet guitar. I causally mentioned how they even had a Guitar Hero: Metallica. His interest perked up again. He mentioned he was actually considering playing. I was close.

Finally today, he came over for a few hours before work. We chatted. I oh so causally asked him if he wanted to play a video game or watch a movie. His eyes darted over to my guitar and he said, "You talked about teaching me how to play."

I grinned. I started him off easy, with Guitar Hero II. The game has a steep learning curve, so the songs on Easy are still harder to play on the more recent games, than the older ones like GH II.

Turns out, he's a prodigy! My twin is a gamer, so he picked up on it really quickly and only failed out on one song (Bodies, by Drowning Pool). By the time he had to leave for work he was playing Warriors of Rock, kicking butt and taking names.

*sniff* It's a beautiful day!

I'm doing this as hard as I can. Rwarrrrrrrr!

P.S. In hindsight, I realize I probably should have mentioned this post was going to be nothing but me being a nerd. My apologies to those who were bored by the post. I simply had to blog about my triumphs, however small they may be.

Five for Friday: Guilty Confessions

I had an AMAZING idea this morning, ZOMG!!!!! So excited!!! *happy dance* It came in the form of a dream, so see? Ideas come to you when you lest expect them too.

I will return you to your regularly scheduled blog series tomorrow. Until then, enjoy Five for Friday.

Time to own up to some things that I like, probably too much:

1. Disaster movies. Wow. I love these movies (and books, but I haven’t found a whole lot of them). Something about wiping away most of the world’s population, and a rag-tag band of heroes are suddenly thrown into a harsh world where the only the strong survive, where everything they took for granted is GONE, BABY GONE really gets my blood going. Don’t know why. And it doesn’t matter how terrible the move is either, I will still watch it. And yes, Zombie movies fall into this category for me.
Examples: Movies: The Day After Tomorrow, Deep Impact, Doomsday, Mad Max Trilogy, Waterworld
Books: The Stand by Stephen King, Cell by Stephen King, The Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks
2. 80’s Hair band. I love them. I don’t know why, but every time a hair metal song comes on, I just feel the urge to jump up and sing, even if I am in the grocery store. I LOVE Journey, which may or may not be considered a hair band, but I enjoy even the really cheesy bands. I think it’s the melodrama in the songs…let’s not read too much into what that says about my character, okay? ‘Kay.
Example: Def Leopard (I love all of their songs), Every Rose Has It’s Torn by Poison, Here I Go Again on My Own by Whitesnake, Everybody Have Fun Tonight by Wang Chung, Tarzan Boy by Balitmora, To Be With You by Mr. Big, Radar Love by Golden Earring, Van Halen, Reo Speedwagon (OHHH, especially the Power ballads! I love me some power ballads!)
Disclaimer: While some bands made music during the 80’s, like Meat Load, they were not just popular during the 80’s, so that’s why some awesome bands aren’t on this list.
3. Pop music. Sorta goes with the 80’s music, but it’s different (and shameful enough) to get it’s own space. Now, if you love pop music, please don’t think I am making fun of you, because I am not. After all, I LOVE pop music, but there are some songs that could be…a little deeper, shall we say. Even the really repetitious pop songs don’t bother me. I like Lady Gaga, and grew up on the boy bands so I love most of those, girl bands, Kelly Clarkson, Adam Lambert, yes, there’s even a few Miley Cyrus songs I like. I just love the happy, upbeat nature of most pop songs. I don’t like EVERY pop song, but I like enough of them. Let’s just say I listen to a little bit of everything, for reals: Abba, Disturbed, Def Leopard, Hanson, David Garret, Beethoven, Sarah Brightman, Guns and Roses, and VNV nation are all in my itunes, and loads more.
4. I love to smell and touch my books. I love lining them on the shelf and just run my fingers tips over the spines, breathing in the scent of reading. This brings me great joy; I don’t know why. Especially buying a new book! I love going through the book store, pursing through the aisles, selecting a book (or two), and bringing my finds up to the cashier like a new mom.
5. Blades of Glory. Yes, that comedy with Will Farell and Jon Heder in it, about male figure skaters. Normally, I don’t find movies of the stupid-silly variety funny. It’s just me, you may think they are hilarious. So when it came time to clean the house, I needed a movie to pop in, one that I didn’t have to pay a lot of attention to. It’s mostly a distraction against the utter mindless boredom that which is cleaning. So! I put the movie in (borrowed from my little brother, who LOVES movies like that), and was surprised as to how hard I am laughing. Maybe it’s because I was expecting the movie to suck. Maybe it’s because I was under loads of stress and needed something bright and shiny to take my mind off things. For whatever reason, I really find this movie hysterical, and not just a scene or two. My favorite parts are when Jon Heder has to eat the dirty (not used-dirty, dirty from trash and stuff) toilet paper (so gross it went right past my gag reflex and straight to my funny bone), and when Will Farell says he could never love a human baby more than his horse hair brush. Good times, good times.

Honorary Mention: CHOCOLATE!!!
I was going to include chocolate, but I don’t feel guilty for loving it, so…