They say a picture is worth a thousand words. So instead of telling you how my Saint Paddy’s Day went with my family, I thought I would instead tell the story through the pictures I took instead. I was pretty annoying with snapping the camera constantly (I thought of myself as a journalist, everyone else thought of me as a nuisance) so it’s a pretty accurate representation of the night’s events.
It will almost be like you guys were there! Feel free to photoshop yourself in, like one of my aunts did when she couldn’t come to the family reunion (I am not kidding, she literally photoshoped herself into the family photo).
Without further ado, we enter the abode of my parent’s house on Saint Patrick’s Day…
Mom and Dad posed nicely for me as soon as I walked in the door. They thought it was cute I was using the camera they gave me for Christmas. They will soon tire of my antics, but not yet. Not yet.
Mom hard at work, cooking the potatoes.
Dad "helping" Mom check the potatoes. We take our potatoes very seriously.
My sister in law, my twin brother's wife, also slaving away in the kitchen.
The soda bread! One of those loaves are MINE!
The corned beef! Yummy!
My twin brother. I call him Llama-face because one time over a really hot summer he put his forehead on my foot, and it was all gross and sweaty. I said, “Ewwwwww, llama-face.” We had just watched the Emperor’s New Groove, and thought it was hysterical. So it stuck. I never call him by his real name anymore. I call our little brother “baby” llama for obvious reasons.
My sister in law, outside on the deck, taking a break from the hot kitchen. They still think my picture taking antics are cute. I think I was over for a grand total of a half hour at this point.
My mom is a squirrel whisperer. Every time she goes out on the deck, she feeds the squirrels (also known as lawn rats in our family) peanuts. The squirrels are now well trained to come looking every time they hear movement on the deck. Here comes one now. Mom calls her Moochie.
Moochie peeks her head out from under the grill, wondering why I haven't scattered peanuts for her yet. I was not aware that every time you go out on the deck, you scatter peanuts for the squirrels. Dad refuses to, but that doesn't mean they don't pester him when he's out on the deck.
She also did not want her picture taken…she’s probably thinking something like, “Stupid human, I have you trained! Where the *beep* are my peanuts!? Mommy needs her fix.”
Or something like that.
The peanuts.
Moochie wouldn’t hold still for the camera, so I asked Mom to come out and work her magic with the squirrel. She’s making chirping noises. No, I am not making this up. I have documented photo proof. I might win the Pulitzer prize for my intrepid journalism.
The squirrel whisperer hard at work.
I WANTZ PEANUTZ!
I was this close to the squirrel!
Mom is even closer! Dad keeps saying he isn’t taking anyone to the ER for a rabies shot, so we’d better not get bit!
I try for a different tactic. I opened the door to the deck (the kitchen connects to the deck) and scatter some peanuts, and sat in a chair to wait. They’ll come. Oh, they’ll come.
The hunt. If you look in the top left corner, you will see a bit of squirrel.
Closer…and Moochie has brought reinforcements.
Moochie descends upon the elusive peanut, like a hawk on a mouse.
Moochie wants to come inside! Dad doesn’t want her to! Still talking about rabies and chasing a squirrel around the house!
Mom and I after we’re done playing with the squirrels.
Soda bread Mom made…and forgot to add the soda, so now the birds have some food as well. Mom didn’t want to me take a picture for evidence, but the truth must come out. I have journalistic morals, after all.
I decide I haven’t bothered Llama-face enough, so I head downstairs where he and my sister in law are relaxing. My little brother is asleep at this point, because he works the night shift, and lives two hours away, so he’s catching some Zzzzs. There is my Llama is now, drawing.
Llama and my sis in law, rocking out to watching a video game review video by a guy called Yahtzee. He’s funny.
It is at this point that my family realizes that I mean business by following everyone around with a camera, so in a sudden but inevitable betrayal, my sis in law steals my camera while I was watching Llama-face play video games. I think he just killed Hercules (he’s playing God of War three) which is why I look so delighted.
Llama and I take a picture together, but he is tickling me.
“Am not!”
“Are too!”
He still wants to tickle me, but his wife commanded him not to. Hehe.
We decide it’s high time to snitch some food.
"Food?"
The baby llama decides to graces us with his presence, impeccable timing as well. His girlfriend is still asleep at this point, though I am not sure how with the ruckus we’re making.
Baby llama and I. He’s a camera ham, so expect to see him in almost every picture now. He’s trying to pinch me, but the pincher becomes the pinchee.
Baby llama is behind them, trying to give them bunny ears.
Baby llama insists I try this new drink. It’s disgusting. I am sad to report the face I am making is natural. I didn’t know Dad was gleefully snapping pictures.
Still disgusting. I can’t get the taste out of my mouth.
My sis in law giving me bunny ears in my hour of weakness. Yes, we’re all adults and very mature.
We decide it’s time to get into the green mint chocolate chip ice cream. Yum
We scream for ice cream!
My siblings.
The four of us. Notice how we're all wearing large, GREEN shirts. My sis in law is hunching down because she's taller than all of us, and I made a crack about it right before Dad took the picture.
Baby llama's girlfriend is awake! I don’t know how she looks so refreshed after just waking up. I always look like death warmed over, but there you have it. She made a green cake, and everyone’s teeth were looking funny all day because of it. But my goodness, was it tasty.
Time for some Dennis Leary stand up comedy. We are rewatching “No Cure for Cancer”.
Mom and Dad crap out and go to bed, and Robin, one of my co-workers arrive. We return to the kitchen, eat some more cake and ice cream, and hang out.
Baby llama’s girlfriend smears his face with icing. It’s a victory for us all.
Baby llama seeks retaliation, but his threats are empty.
Llama makes “llama paws” for me.
And to cap the night off, Llama does the dishes. Fun was had by all.
This concludes my thrilling documentary on one family’s Saint Patrick’s Day celebration. It was through great hardship and risk to myself that I took these photos, following my family around like the paparazzi, but it was a sacrifice I was willing to make for you, my readers.
It has also become obvious that I will no longer be able to hide how strange my family is, still we now have photo evidence. Forthwith, I will attribute my creativity to my interesting up bringing.
I hope you guys enjoyed this because it took FOREVER to upload these pictures. Until next time, this is Elizabeth Poole, signing out.
So, if you were to capture a family gathering with photos and narrate it, how do you think it would be seen? Would people see how weird your family is? Would it be like an episode of “Leave it to Beaver”? Or more like “Married, With Children”?
