Monday, July 18, 2011

Werewolves vs. Vampires: A Conversation

*Contains spoilers from Gail Carriger's Heartless*

Late at night as we were laying in bed trying to fall asleep, I told my husband that my mom had just finished Gail Carriger's Heartless. I'd bought the book the second it came out and passed it along to her to read. Mom emailed me, jokingly lamenting that when I have my baby, it's not going to turn into a little wolf cub or vampire depending on what sort of supernatural creature is currently holding it, like Alexia's baby does at the end of Heartless.

I told my husband, "Honestly, I am a little disappointed too. Although the set up would be reversed in our case. You would much rather be a vampire, and I'd rather be a werewolf."

Husband: "Really? You'd want to turn into an animal?"

Me: "Yeah, it would be really cool. I could turn into a wolf, and run around, and smell stuff, and get in people's way--"

Husband: "And eat people."

Me: "No, I'd eat deer or something. At least I wouldn't be dead."

Husband: "People die all the time."

Me: "You'd be drinking blood all the time, gross."

Husband: "I wouldn't be allergic to silver bullets--"

Me: "--holy water, crosses, garlic, stakes..."

Husband mutters darkly: "If I was a vampire, they'd never find me."

Me: *laughs* "That's right honey. They would never find you."

Then we went on to talk about how humans should never actually be able to beat vampires if they are as powerful as they were back in Dracula's day, since they are practically demigods. Also how vampires would control overpopulation if the vampires in question were really strong and immortal, and don't die easily.

Just a normal late night conversation in the Poole household.


  1. Vampires do not lick their butts.

    They also do not lick the butts of others.

    Vampires, therefore, win.

    (OK, some vampires do lick the butts of others...but for fun, not because of instinct. So vampires still win.)

    You know what wins even more? FAIRIES. Because not only do they not lick butts, they also are not dead.


  2. Vampires can't have sex. I don't care who you talk to. If their heart doesn't beat, then no sexual arousal for them.

    So: Werewolves PWN vampires.

    But fairies. That's an interesting one. Too bad you have to be BORN a faerie. You can't get turned into one.

    Therefore, if you're always born: Werewolves PWN faeries.

    If you're still waiting to be born, then I suggest you come as a faerie.