Last night was not very restful. I had a hard time falling asleep, and I woke up at three in the morning from a nightmare. It's vague and fuzzy now, but there was something about a guy who was possessing people and I had to stop him, and save the people he was hurting. There were spirits and demons involved. It doesn't sound like it (nightmare never do) but it was scary. I woke up, certain there was a demon in the room with me.
I got up to use the bathroom, and had to avoid the mirror. I have this weird thing with mirrors. Most of the time, I think nothing of them. They are just there. But after a nightmare I can't look at them, because I am afraid I will see someone standing behind me, or something will reach out and grab me. I NEVER played "Bloody Mary", even as a kid.
Because here's the thing: when you're a writer, you tell yourself stories. Even if you're writing literary fiction, you are still making stuff up. I write fantasy, so believing in what isn't real goes double for me. During the day, when I am rational, I know elves and fairies and ghosts and demons don't exist. At least, I sort of know that. I am willing to concede that there is a possibility there are things out there we don't know about, but I don't actively search for it.
But at three in the morning, when it's pitch black out and no one's awake? That certainty goes straight out the window. No matter what I tell myself as I lay there in bed, I still think there *might* be something under my bed that is going to reach up and grab my ankle. And no amount of rationale will change that.
I think this is a negative side effect to writing. Or being creative in general. I spend so much time thinking about people and events that are a product of my imagination, and believing in them, giving them words and weight, that sometimes after I just wake up, this flexibility in my suspension of disbelief turns out to be a hinderance.
As a result, I am sooooo tired today. The thought of going to work makes me tired. I have a list of things I need to do, and I am doing them, but S-L-O-W-L-Y. I was hoping to be extra productive today, but things aren't looking so great. Unless of course I add to my list of things to do. For example, I already took a shower today. Check. Ate breakfast. Check. Wrote a blog post. Check. Go to work. Check soon enough. I guess if I extend my creativity further, I could add even more things to my list of things to do. Breathe. Check. Brush hair. Check. Get dressed. Check. Read other people's blogs. Check.
See?! I am feeling more productive already! I guess it's time to do what I actually need to do--work on my notecard outline--though. I am getting so close to being ready, that it's tantalizing me. But yesterday I made chicken pot pie for my parents from scratch. They loved it, but it took longer than I thought it would.
Hey, I can add to my list! Make dinner for parents; have enough for leftovers today. Check.
What do you guys do when you have bad dreams? Am I the only one who think is has to do with being creative?